


Like a light went out...

by tobeswrites



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Endverse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-18
Updated: 2013-04-25
Packaged: 2017-12-08 19:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeswrites/pseuds/tobeswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean asks Cas what happened to him, Cas turns the conversation on him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 5.04 - The End

“What’s with you, Cas?”

“I thought we already discussed this, Dean.”

“Yea, well. I feel like I got the condensed version. It’s like a light went out in you...”

Castiel chuckles, perhaps a little more than intended with the perpetual high he’s on. “That’s what I like about past you, Dean...” Castiel sat down and patted the mat in front of him indicating Dean should sit as well.

“What?”

“Take a seat with me, Dean. Talk.” 

Dean glanced over his shoulder out the bead-strung covered door, slightly out of habit, but more out of uncertainty. This Castiel was so much different than the one he knew. 

“Dean, I don’t bite.” Castiel crossed his legs and set his hands on his knees. “Unless you want me to.” he gave Dean a grin.

Dean glanced back a bit caught off-guard by the comment. This was Castiel, despite the high. He was still awkward, he was not his Castiel, but... it was definitely him.

“Yea... uhh...” Dean trailed off and stared out the door a few more moments before finally turning and moving to sit across from Castiel. “So, what were you saying?”

“I can bite if you like.” Castiel grinned ear to ear at the comment, he seemed amused at Dean’s discomfort.

Dean was relatively certain he was doing it on purpose, but it was hard to tell. He'd never seen Castiel high before. “Uh... before that.”

“Hm..? Oh.” Castiel smiled. “Because past you still cares.”

Dean’s brows rose at that... he knew future him was a little... off. But... “Has... do I really get that bad?”

Castiel’s head rolled back with a laugh and then looked back up tilting his head, a smile still on his face. “Oh, Dean.” He leaned forward taking one of Dean’s hands and gently patting it. “It’s like you said. Like a light went out. Sam...”

Dean looked at their hands when Castiel touched his, then looks back up. “Sam?” One name that would always have his attention. Sam was his responsibility, even if others tried to convince him otherwise. “What about Sam?” He knew something happened, but future him didn't really go into detail.

“When we lost Sam... It’s like nothing mattered to you anymore.” Castiel’s hand seemed to grip Dean’s on a subconscious level. He missed him. The Dean in his own time seemed to feel nothing. Seeing the light flicker in his eyes even if just once more... or even if it was just the candles being caressed by the wind... the flicker made Castiel happy. He was genuinely smiling and it for the most part, it wasn't the drugs. 

“Cas...” He let out that drawn out sigh Castiel was very familiar with.

“Would you like some?” 

Dean was certain Castiel meant drugs, but he was willing to drag out the distraction. “Some... what?”

“Absinthe. It’ll relieve the tension.”

“It seems to be doing wonders for you.” Dean glanced at his hand again.

Castiel smiled. “You know, I'm the only you have ever criticized about personal space, Dean. It makes me wonder.” Castiel let go of Dean’s hand and leaned over grabbing a bottle setting it down on front of Dean. “I made it myself.”

“Uh...” Dean breathed in raising his brow slightly and almost rolls his eyes. “Oh...”, He glanced at the bottle, blinking once as he looks back at Cas wondering when their talk went from ‘Sam’ to ‘personal space’.

Castiel reached putting both hands on Dean’s cheeks and smiling at him his head canting to the side as he admired Dean’s face. “You were always so expressive.”

Dean clears his throat trying not to make a scene out of Castiel touching him so much. “...So, what happened to Sam, Cas?”

Castiel shook his head. “In time, Dean.”

“Cas, I need to know. Come on....” Dean let out a frustrated grunt, if this was something he could prevent...

“Dean, you’ll know when the time comes. Why else would Zachariah send you here.”

“Cas, you’re beating around the bush.” Dean’s expression become more obviously annoyed.

“I learned from the best. Hm?” Castiel gave him a grin.

Dean let out a little huff and didn't say anything. He picked up the bottle Castiel had offered him. “For the road...” and stood up and moved towards the door.

“You put your life on the line. For everyone. Anyone you've ever loved. Yet, you can’t confront yourself...” Castiel slowly looked up from the spot Dean had been sitting and peering at the hunter. “Why?”

Dean stood at the door letting out another huff, this time more annoyed than the previous. He tightened his fingers around the neck of the bottle and stared outside through the bead-strung door very much not wanting to ask, but he doubted Castiel would let him walk out without a fuss. Dean gripped his free hand over his mouth in thought. It was pretty clear he was trying to tell him something. After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke. “What are you getting at, Cas?”

Castiel watched him patiently waiting for Dean to finally ask his question, smiling somberly when he finally did. “I fell for you, Dean.”

He turns looking at Castiel with a cocked brow. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

Castiel let out a small laugh which earned him another irritated look from his friend. “You know... you can be so... hmmm...” He pushed himself to his feet wobbling a bit before regaining his balance. 

“Dammit, Cas. Just spit it out.”

“I already did, Dean.” He moved towards the hunter reaching up putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I just didn’t know how hard.” Castiel did not wait for a reply satisfied with the confused expression on the hunter’s face, instead he pushed the beaded door out of the way and moved outside. His Dean would be returning soon, no doubt the entertainment factor between the two would be golden.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean stood there dumbfounded and staring at the floor for some time before it finally registered what Castiel meant by that. “Castiel, you bastard...” He spoke softly, not with any strong intent for Castiel to hear him. He slammed his palm into the door frame with a growl. Looking up finally, Castiel was standing in the doorway again. Dean startled slightly, even without his mojo, Castiel knew how to sneak up on a person. “Geezus, Cas.”

Castiel smiled. “ He'll be back soon.”

“Good for him.” Dean was finding it hard to sympathise with his future counterpart at this point. “Cas...”

“You should come outside.”

Dean laughs quietly to himself. “No. Cas. You can't just drop a bomb like that and walk away.”

Castiel rolled his head to the side. “ You're upset.”

“Ya think?” Dean kept his hand against the door frame eyeing Cas down.

Castiel looked off to the side awkwardly letting out a little huff. “Dean, I didn't mean to put you on the spot.”

“Little late for that.” Dean gave a little huff, then looked at Castiel again. “So, you never actually answered me... about what happened to you?”

“I did. You just aren't satisfied with the answer.” Castiel stepped over to Dean with his head tilted in that confused way he did so frequently when he was still an angel. “You aren't satisfied with the answer, are you?”

“That’s an understatement.”

“Angels grasp with things differently than humans, Dean. I knew so little about humans in your time. I tried my best, but we angels were not built to... think the same way you were.” Castiel’s eyes strayed looking Dean’s body over memorizing his body, his clothes, his posture.... before looking back to his face licking his lips slightly. “I... guess, by the time I realized what I really wanted, it was too late.”

Dean glanced anyway momentarily when Castiel starting eyeing him down like a side dish, thinking about Castiel like that never occurred to him before. And even if he did, he sure as hell wouldn't have a chance with Castiel... he was inhabiting a male vessel. That’s... like a sin or something, ain’t it?

“I got lost. I turned to vices to... cope.” He set a hand on Dean’s cheek softly brushing his thumb against the hunter’s face. “Don’t get me wrong. The drugs and alcohol have their perks. Then there are the women-- who are fucking beautiful by the way-- I now understand why you enjoy their company.” Castiel gives Dean a grin before letting his hand drop back to his side with a gentle brush against Dean’s shoulder as he lets go.

Dean rubs the back of his neck his eyes following Castiel’s hand when it moves towards him and feeling very much like a deer in headlights. He really didn't know how to handle this, men have flirted with him before, no surprise there, he is a pretty good looking guy. But he brushed them off without really thinking about it. But this...?

“Would you like me to call the girls back?” Castiel could tell Dean was in deep thought, he would not bother to point it out though. The hunter can be pretty skittish about some topics, that much has always been obvious to him even if he never handled it right early on. Instead, he tried to appeal to Dean, maybe relieve some of the awkward air around him. “I don’t mind sharing them with you.” he offered Dean a smile. He just wanted Dean to stay for a bit.

“No...” Dean seemed to answer reflexively. “I...” He stared at Castiel for a few moments before turning away and pacing back and forth. The more he thought about things, the more... 

“I see.” Castiel looked down at the floor mats and chuckled slightly in disbelief. He would, of course, accept Dean’s response though. He nudged the beads aside again. “I will be outside then.”

“No... Cas, I mean...” He let out a long sigh, before breathing in again and out, trying to relax. His thoughts were all over the place, he couldn't really think straight. He let out a small, but awkward chuckle and brushed his hand through his hair as he sat down. 

Castiel stopped in his tracks, but didn't step backwards either. “Mean what, Dean?” He kept his eyes ahead of him not entirely sure he wanted to look back, just in case Dean was about to add salt to the wound that he just re-opened.

“I mean... no girls.” Dean looked up at Castiel. “Com’ere, sit down.” Dean had noticed Castiel hadn't moved from the doorway still and held his breath a moment waiting to see if Castiel would take him up on the request. Dean might not be aware of seeing others more subtle emotions, but the angel made it pretty clear where he stood. And Dean knew that was his fault. He pushed the subject after all. 

“I know you tend to be emotionally repressed, so I hope you actually have something to say...” He moved from the doorway towards Dean taking a cross-legged seat across from him. 

“... What... repressed..?” He shook his head. “Nevermind”, he waved it off. “Look...”

“Dean.”

“Cas, I...”

“Dean.”

Dean looked up from the floor slightly annoyed that Castiel keeps interrupting him, but ultimately he says nothing. To be honest, he really isn't sure what he wants to say. All he knows is he wants Castiel to stay.

Castiel reached over, grabbing the hunter’s hand and holding it against his chest. “You feel that? I can actually feel this now, not that it’s there, well... yes, it’s there, but... I can actually... feel what it means now. Look at me, Dean. Look me in the eyes. Just tell me what you want...”

Dean, once more, was caught by surprise when Castiel took his hand placing it over his heart and then pressing his own against it to hold him there. He stared at their hands while Castiel talked away, he could feel Castiel’s breathing and every thump his heart made. 

Then he was told to look him in the eyes. It occurred to Dean that he had spent a great deal of his time with this Castiel avoiding eye contact. He puts his attention back on his hand focusing on Castiel’s heartbeat. Castiel was anxious, Dean could feel from the speed of his heartbeat. Dean looked up at his eyes again, eyes widening slightly. He was human now.

Castiel canted his head as Dean’s expression changed. He smiled somberly. “Dean, if we were discussing anything else, you would be acting like a smartass.” He huffed through his nose and set his hands on the floor to push himself to his feet. “If you can’t... give me any sort of--”

Dean eyes widened a bit as Castiel started to get up, he quickly moved forward grasping his hand around the back of his head and pressed his lips to Castiel’s.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninja'd another character in... more might come, depends how I decide to take the story.

Dean pulled back after a few moments of heated lip-locking and searched Castiel’s eyes frantically. He knew this is what Castiel had been getting at, but he couldn't help feeling a little freaked out about it. This wasn't some random hook-up, was it? He had no idea. “Cas, I'm sorry I'm a jerk. Anything I've done... anything my future self as done. I’m sorry.”

Castiel chuckles wavering slightly. “Dean, you of all people should know I do not hold a grudge.” He patted at the collar of the hunter’s coat folding the back of it down. He never understood why Dean wore it like that.

Dean smiled at the assurance from Castiel. “How long does that stuff last by the way?” Dean noticed Castiel still seemed like he was on cloud 9 despite everything that just happened between them. 

“A while, Dean. I’m alright. Really.” He chuckled again. “And you're alright..?” He kept fingering the coat collar unwilling to let go of it as long as Dean stayed, his eyes darting occasionally back to the hunter’s lips wanting another taste of his mouth.

“Yea... I think I am, Cas.” Dean licked his lips subconsciously and kept his eyes locked with Castiel’s. “I ever tell you your eyes are amazing?”

Castiel tipped his head forward in a snicker. “Oh, Dean, you don't need to sweet talk me. I’m not a virgin anymore.”

“Uhh, right. Orgies.” Dean chuckled nervously and cleared his throat.

“Mmhmm. No longer an innocent virgin angel,” he chuckled and leaned in closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Dean’s. Hands gripping the collar of Dean’s coat firmly to keep him there.

Dean was about to retort, but found himself with a mouthful of Castiel’s tongue. He inches his body closer to Castiel until he’s kneeling over him, letting his hands wander tugging at Castiel’s shirt, his fingers searching desperately for the hem.

Castiel let out a kiss-muffled moan when Dean’s fingers brushed against his bare skin. He slid his hands down gripping the heavy leather of Dean’s coat as he goes for Dean’s buttoned shirt. “Dean...” He let out a soft groan as Dean broke their kiss.

“Arms...” Dean muttered huskily, eyeing Castiel hungrily as he lifted the shirt off over his head. Castiel obliged, lifting his arms up long enough for the shirt to be removed, his chest heaving as he catches his breath. No, it felt more like his breath was stolen, not that he minded Dean making him feel that way. He looked up at Dean who was currently kneeling about a foot over him and reached up grabbing the lapel of Dean’s shirt and making quick work of the buttons and pushing both the shirt and coat off Dean’s shoulders.

Dean let the shirt and coat fall of his arm, his muscles flexing as he shifted around. Castiel looked as if he'd purr and leaned forward planting kisses along Dean’s abdomen, his hands moving from Dean’s shoulders down his back leaving light scratches all the way down to his hips.

“Ngh... ohgod, Cas...” He brings his hands around placing one against Castiel’s cheek brushing his fingers through his beard. 

Castiel snickered softly only pulling from the kissing long enough to to share his thoughts. “Five years ago, I might have been offended by that...” He grinned up at Dean giving him a wink as his hands worked his belt and jeans.. He leaned forward again, pressing his lips against Dean’s hipbone and tracing the tip of his tongue downwards as he starts tugging at Dean’s pants and briefs

“Mmngh... sorry, Cas...” he managed to groan out a response as Castiel worked his magic. His jeans were already getting uncomfortably tight, so he was grateful when he started pulling them down.

 

“Hey, Cas. You in here?” Chuck walked inside the door without so much as waiting for a reply. “Aw, christ...” Chuck turned his back as Dean stumbled to fix his pants. 

“Dammit, man. Don't you know how to knock?”

Castiel laid back in a small fit of giggles, he was far from caring about getting ‘found out’, but the idea they'd be interrupted, all he could do was laugh it off. “Oh, Chuck... you bastard. What’s up?” he inquired through snickers.

Dean muttered as he tried to adjust himself and fix his pants. 

Chuck brushed his fingers through his beard and shakes his head. “You know, I wish I could say I was surprised, I mean, at least I could justify walking in on you guys. As if that’s awkward enough. But no. I'm not.”

“Chuck, dude. You just killed the mood. Come on...” Dean shot a glare over his shoulder.

“Okay. Fine. Dean.” he paused a moment in afterthought. “Our Dean... wants to have a meeting. So, yea. he’s looking for you two.”

“Any chance it could wait?” Dean finished fixing up his belt buckle and stood up offering a hand to Castiel.

Castiel sat up a bit leaning on his elbows with a smirk on his face shaking his head at the offer. “Hmm...”

“Well, if you guys wanted to sit here and screw each other’s brains out, sure. But I think our Dean might come looking for you. I can imagine that would be awkward for everyone.” He shook his head giving his beard a scratch.

“Not necessarily, Chuck.” Castiel let out a giggle that made it pretty clear what was going through his head.

“... What?”, Dean looked from Chuck to Castiel with his brow raised. “What does that even-- OH. Okay, dude, that is a line I am SO not crossing.” Dean shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I’m going to pretend I didn't even hear that.” Chuck shakes his head and walks out.

“Jerk.” Dean muttered ignoring Castiel’s snickering.


	4. Humanity

_After the meeting_

Once back inside the hut, Dean grabbed the collar of Castiel’s shirt and slammed him against the first uncluttered wall he could spy, maybe even causing a small shudder in the walls, and quickly pressed his lips to against Castiel’s. Castiel groaned sliding his hands around Dean’s waist sliding his fingers through the belt loops and pulling the hunter against him. Dean’s hips almost immediately grinding against him.

The hunter gripped at Castiel’s shirt pulling what few buttons are at the top apart and started kissing and nipping along Castiel’s shoulder causing his breathing to become shallower. “I want this, Dean...” Castiel let out a small noise that resembled a purr as he felt Dean’s fingers scratch at the small of his back. 

“I really do...” Castiel leaned his head against Dean’s letting his eyes fall close when the hunter starts nipping at his neck just below the beard line. “God knows, I do...”

Dean paused at that, feeling a slight pang in his chest from Castiel’s tone, leaving his face buried against Castiel’s shoulder, he whispered out. “I sense a but coming on...”

Castiel leaned his head back against the wall with a brief nod. “I... even as far away from my true self as I am now... I could never forgive myself.” Castiel’s hands shifted slightly as if hesitating, then lifted away from hunter’s jeans and looked in the opposite direction of Dean trying to ignore the shame.

Dean jerked away as Castiel turned his head and let out a curse before he started pacing back and forth a few times before turning to look back at his... friend. “I think I at least deserve to know why.”

Castiel looked back at the hunter. Just barely. “ I'm sorry, Dean. For me to.... seduce you, past you... would be wrong.” He gave a soft laugh as if not really believing his own words. “ We're from different times, Dean. My... love belongs to my Dean... even if he’s got his head so far up his ass about this Satan thing and the colt... That’s where my heart belongs.”

If looks could kill, Dean’s would, he gestured between them and narrowed his eyes. “You don’t think I get a say in this.”

“You don’t, Dean. You taught me so many things. Love, trust, loyalty, hope, joy... and sure, maybe some of that negative stuff. But the bottom line is... you gave me my humanity, Dean. And it does pain me to turn you away. You know, after the years of want and waiting too long. He’s lost, like I used to be, maybe there’s still a chance.” Castiel shrugged, he wasn't really even looking at Dean anymore. “I can’t take advantage here, Dean. You belong to past me, as I live for my Dean.” Castiel looked to the floor as if it was suddenly the most fascinating thing ever.

Dean turned away leaning over and putting his hands on his knees. “I can't believe this...” Mostly he was muttering to himself, but he glanced over to Castiel who hasn't budged an inch from his spot against the wall. 

“I resent myself for what I could have done, Dean.” He tilts his head a bit. “And... what I haven’t. A lot of humans take emotion for granted, I had to learn everything. Everything I know about humanity...” He shrugged. “A lot of it was because of you. So... I can only hope you understand. Understand I was being selfish... and I wanted to stop myself before I did something I would have regretted.”

“So... I taught ya swearing too, huh?” He didn't laugh. Instead, he sat on the floor in an attempt to keep his nausea at bay.

Castiel gave a somber smile and nodded. “Thank you, Dean. I can only hope you know how grateful I am to you.”

Dean took a deep breath and nodded, not really sure what else he could possibly say.

“All I ask is that you never give up on me, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue to come...


	5. Epilogue

_Present Time_

“Hello, Dean.”

A second ago he was facing Zachariah with his over-inflated ego and now he was on the side of some dark highway in the middle of nowhere. He sighed in relief upon seeing who it was. “...Nice timing, Cas...” 

Castiel’s features seemed softer than usual, Dean wasn't sure if it was the experience he just had, the bad lighting on the highway or if his head was still spinning from the angel mojo that’s been tossed at him. In any case, he liked it, Castiel seemed like he was smiling and he appreciated it.

“We had an appointment.”

Dean couldn't help but smile. He really didn't know how much of that back to the future crap is really meant to happen or if Zachariah made it all up to fuck with his head and manipulate him into thinking a certain way. But he knew what he felt. He knew how Castiel made him feel. 

Most of all, he wasn't going to let some predestined crap destroy everything he believed in and stood up for. No matter how much his so-called future-self insisted he was wrong. And he knew he was never going to say yes to Michael.

Dean let out a little huff as if he couldn't believe his ears and reached over setting his hand firmly on Castiel’s shoulder and let out a small smile of his own. “ Don't ever change.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long to get the epilogue up, it's short, but I hope you guys reading it like it. I would love to hear what everyone thinks and I'll get to work on writing something else. Thanks if you read all the way through. :)

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to leave polite critiques, I don't bite, I would appreciate the comments. Thank you. :3


End file.
